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Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Birthday Musings-I just turn a double-blackjack today. For some reason, 42 is more sobering than 40 or 41. I spent my 40th at a family reunion for Eileen's great aunt and uncle, making sure to be out of town in case the black crepe brigade decided to show up. I was too busy finishing an MBA class to notice my 41st last year. However, I'm feeling much older this year, and it might be the high blood pressure problem I'm having. I've been working out at the school gym on a regular (shooting for 3X/week and fitting in 2 on average) basis for the last month and trying to watch my weight, but my blood pressure's jumped from around 90 (high, but not problematic) up to 106 in the last month. I've been on blood pressure medication for the last week. I'm been feeling a bit logy as a result and a bit depressed. I'm trying to cut out caffeine-I've switched to water at home and have finally kicked the free Diet Pepsi habit at work. However, the weight problem that I've been fighting for a long time coupled with the high blood pressure have me feeling very mortal. I've always seem to feel about 12 or so; somehow I went from feeling like a pre-teen to feeling like an old man. Given my relatively new career and new wife, I'm not going through a mid-life crisis, I'm just getting started with life. However, the lost years of 21-24 after getting my B.S., a year getting my act together after coming to the Lord at 24, two years for my BBA, another 1.5 years for my MBA, six years working on a doctorate, 2.5 years running a computer store and 3.5 years working as a temp accountant left me at age 41, newly married and starting a career as a college professor. The Devil wants to have me focus on my girth, my high-blood pressure and how much of my life I've wasted. God wants me to look at a loving wife, a good job, a good church family, an even better blog family, and a God who loved me so much that he sent His son to die for me. We have to play our lives as they lie; it doesn't matter how many strokes we took to get the ball there, the shot is still the same. I've got a good future ahead of me and I'm developing the discipline to be around awhile to enjoy it. I'm finally in a place where I can really contribute to society, both by my teaching and being a husband and writing down my thoughts here. It might of being a round-about way to get to where I got, but I'm here now, and God wants me to enjoy it. So, even if I see the legal-age signs at restaurants and note that I was becoming "legal" when the current crop of 21 year olds was getting born, I can rest easy. Yes, I'm not a kid anymore. Yes, I can live with that. Life is good.

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